Its been so long since I've written a post. Kay, so let this be a good start hopefully. To begin with, I will say that I dont quite like my birthday.... It falls on a public holiday and everyone celebrates it more enthusiastically than me each time which allows me to just ignore any celebrations. On top of it, it always remind me of how lonely actually I am as friends are all celebrating my day with their best friends while Im just stoning around aimlessly.... Additionally, maybe im just cursed with this digit 1... If only I always get number 1 for competitions or rankings but then I dont.... Throughout my childhood, I wasn't able to excel in class and came in last few each time. Most of my score cards are a disappointment , and so I grew up doubting my own abilities because so much emphasis is being placed on academics. It caused so many kids in Singapore to grow up worried about their academics and sacrificed so much time on it just to realized like me that in the end it doesnt really matter. Im just glad that right now I've talked myself out of this shit as Im way better than what my score sheets actually reflect. Im just left with this question: Why is our society so superficial and crazy about academic results these days to the extend that they judge one's worth based on it? In my opinion, I will say that our education system has failed in the sense that it wasn't able to educate students with good positive morale values and attitudes. Ironically, it is churning out students with the exact opposing qualities that I've just stated. Students that lack morale values and feel bad about themselves. Why? Reason being is that results have become everything. This causes students to grow up rating and judging others and themselves based upon this screwed up system... Another topic is that I've always been longing to get attached to someone I really like a lot and celebrate it with her. However, for the past 10 years or so since I've actually wanted to get attached... I've yet to be able to find the right person. It just seems to be elusive to me. Getting into a relationship seems like a second nature or just a natural reflex for many except me. I've reflected a lot about this issue and a good female friend of mine told me that Im just not cut out to be a boyfriend. If a girl comes to me its because she wants to settle down and I cant help but wonder wtf is this... I do admit that there are actually girls who are interested in me but I didnt allow myself to fall for them and give these girls and myself a chance. Reason being: Im not really interested in them and so I dont see a point in getting into a relationship that I dont see myself being able to commit to. So why get into one knowing that there is a very very high probability of hurting the girl in the end?... On top of that, I will say that these girls just have a crush on me and they dont truly like who I really am. All in all, I guess maybe Im destined to be alone for life.